I know some of you get frustrated when this blog is a non-stop Housewives fest, but these bitches produce so much news that it’s impossible to keep up. And, as my tagline says, I know you love it. So, what are the crazy broads up to today?

I fear we may have been set up with Danielle’s “nephew” comment at the reunion. Radar is reporting that Teresa’s sister-in-law, Melissa Gorga has been spotted filming and will be joining the cast for their third season. It looks like big spending runs in the Giudice blood; Radar’s snitch says that “She has two live-in nannies and lives in a $4 million mansion on an exclusive lot in Montville. Teresa and Joe’s house looks like a garage compared to theirs.” Ouch! A follow up story on Radar is claiming that Teresa is table-flipping pissed that Melissa is joining the cast, saying the two are always “in competition.” The source even claims that Teresa is refusing to sign on the dotted line if Melissa is involved.

So, this news brings up a few issues. The promos for next week’s reunion clearly state someone “is gone from the show forever.” We already know Danielle has probably been fired, DBKP has a great theory that it was Danielle’s litigiousness that led Bravo to cut the strings, and we also know she’d possibly been cheating on Bravo and talking to other networks for a spin-off. There’s also been message board chatter that Caroline will leave the show. Andy interviewed with E! and hinted that Jacqueline Laurita has an “epiphany” on camera. Will she be the next exiting housewife?

Alright, lovies. Start your engines and let’s do what we best…speculate in the comments! Under the jump, check out another photo of Teresa, Melissa, and their big happy family!

[Thanks to Reality Tea for the photos!]

Read the rest of this entry »

The third season was the charm for the Rachel Zoe Project, who was finally able to get some A-listers to make cameos on her reality show. She’s even been able to get a few of them to wear a microphone while filming, unlike Demi Moore, who didn’t wear on one the first episode she appeared in. Last night’s episode featured Rachel just chillin’ with Kate Hudson, who also decided to pile on the baby pressure.

It’s definitely interesting to see celebrities outside of the talk show format, in a situation where they don’t have to be “on” and are just hanging out like normal people. Kate seems almost awkward in the below clip. It was cute to see Rachel with someone other than her “gaggle of gays” or kissing ass to a designer, her two preferred modes of social interaction. I wonder if we’ll ever get to see Cameron Diaz, who must be paying Rachel to constantly drop her name over and over again.

In case you were wondering, Rachel did not style anyone for the Emmys last weekend, because apparently the Emmys are strictly B-list and below, which I learned from reading this fascinating article on the world of styling on Deadline.com written by Merle Ginsberg, who starred in Launch My Line last year, in case any of you remember!

First it was the New York City housewives, now it’s the Real Housewives of New Jersey who want Snooki salaries. TMZ is claiming that Teresa is taking no prisoners on this round of contract negotiations, wanting twice the salary, a cut of merch and DVD sales and the freedom to make more paid appearances.

Regardless of how you feel about Teresa, it does seem reasonable that she and her co-stars should be able to make more money off DVDs and things like club appearances, the latter being the way most reality stars make money when their shows are over. Reality stars are not actors, not unionized and don’t get residuals like actors for scripted shows do. For better or worse, these women bring in the ratings for Bravo (not Jersey Shore numbers, but RHONJ in particular pulls in major audiences, especially for cable) and essentially sign away the rights to their lives by appearing on these shows.

And to file under things we basically already knew department, both Real Housewives of New Jersey and Real Housewives of New York City have been renewed for their third and fourth seasons. In fact, TMZ says the Jersey girls are scheduled to start filming this weekend! The New York ladies, who usually start around Labor Day and use the upcoming New York Fashion Week as a backdrop, have been pretty silent on their schedule, save for Bethenny who announced to US Weekly that she wouldn’t be returning.

And a nation of wannabe Skinnygirls weeps: their fast-talking queen, Bethenny Frankel is off Real Housewives of New York City. In an “exclusive” with US Weekly, Bethenny says she “doesn’t see a reason to return.”

While her spin-off Bethenny Getting Married hasn’t been officially picked up for a second season, its been rumored that the second season is currently in production. A source tells US that Bethenny is however, contractually obligated to swing by RHONYC, so we’re not totally out of the woods yet. I can’t wait for the goodbye montage.

(With all due respect to fourfour, who’s format I am borrowing for this recap of last night’s events. Minus the gifs and sound files.)

There’s no point in discussing who’s wrong and who’s right. They’re all lying, they’re all shady, and they’re all hiding something. While I find Danielle to be an attention-seeking pathological liar of the highest order, the worst thing Teresa could have done was started the reunion by making a crack at Danielle’s promiscuity. Attacking Danielle incessantly just makes them look worse. She will say something messed up eventually; let her make her own bed. In any case, here were the things I walked away with:

1. Network executives feel no pain

Uploaded with plasq‘s Skitch!

Teresa Giudice shoved Andy down into his chair and he laughed it off. Later, he asked for the name of Teresa’s personal trainer. Always looking out for number one.

2. If most of what you did this past season was eat, make sure your voice is heard by quietly interjecting in conversations that aren’t about you.

Part of me enjoyed this glimpse into Jacqueline’s true nature as a shit-stirrer, but another part was horrified when she bought up the fact that Danielle’s daughters allegedly cry every day at school. But can you blame her? What else was she going to do? Jacqueline could have been replaced on the show by one of Danielle’s extensions, who probably had a more active role.

3. Don’t talk about my sister. Don’t bring up my family. Don’t talk about my kids. The only person we’re allowed to talk about is Danielle.

While the conversation occassionally ventured to other topics such as Albie’s “reading comprehension” and Teresa’s bankruptcy (more on that in a second), the conversation was inevitably bought back to Danielle. They don’t need to produce another show about her, they already have one.

4. Andy doesn’t read any of our blogs. If he had, he would have known way more about Teresa’s bankruptcy. In fact, one of us should have Skyped in to conduct this part of the interview. While Andy did a good job by even asking Teresa at all (unlike other reunions where he skipped off camera antics or opted to go to lunch right as it started getting good), he neglected to mention that the article that appeared in the Post about Teresa’s debt was not based on gossip, but on the papers that they filed and Teresa herself signed.

I’ve read comments that Andy went too easy on his questioning of Teresa, but I just don’t think she would ever give the answers anyone wanted. It doesn’t help that Caroline and Jacqueline defend her and help her with her denials. Blaming it on Joe was also a low blow, considering it was clear that it was her lavish tastes and spending that likely caused the thousands of dollars in debt to Neiman Marcus and Bloomingdale’s. Something tells me Joe just doesn’t care if his tight shirts are Gucci or not.

5. Danielle is in for some amazing things and new beginnings, which she repeated as a mantra after Teresa jumped from the couch. She got herself a new pair of gays for this reunion show, including lesbian superstar Lori Michaels who for reasons beyond human understanding, continues to hitch her wagon to this mess. Danielle claims that she didn’t get any money for her sex tape and that her girls don’t possibly know about its existence. Except they know now. And are probably reminded of its existence every single day of their lives by their classmates.

Danielle and Teresa are just as bad as the other and they feed into each other’s terribleness. While Teresa blows up, Danielle just sits there, perhaps another trick taught to her by Paris Hilton. She knew exactly what she was doing when she bought up the “nephew” that made Teresa explode. There are tons of theories flying around (summed up nicely by Jezebel today) but no one knows for sure what it’s truly in reference to; Teresa just updated her Bravo blog and gave a non-answer about a nephew of hers hat was born off-camera in April. I mean, yeah, I’m sure that’s what caused her to erupt and push Andy Cohen into his chair. And Danielle lives off the proceeds of her book. Those are both plausible scenarios that happened in real life.

In an interview with the Hollywood Reporter, the network exec turned talk show host dropped hints that the last ten minutes of Part 2 of the Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion “will really have people talking” and says tonight’s show is “the best they’ve ever done” (don’t they say that about all of them?)

Andy says he treats all the housewives the same way, but to the surprise of no one, finds that Jill Zarin and Orange County’s Vicki Gunvalson “take everything more personally.” Regarding other wives getting spin-offs like Bethenny Frankel did, it’s very telling that Andy insists she is “the exception, not the rule.” As in, it’s unlikely any of these other broads will get their own show.

Regarding producer involvement, Andy claims there’s very little and relays this anecdote about the Jill and Bethenny feud:

I’ve learned that strong women are going to do and say whatever it is they are going to do and say. Before we started shooting last season of “New York,”Jill told me she was pissed at Bethenny. And I said, “Can’t you get over it before we start shooting?” I was worried, and there was nothing I could do about it. As it turned out, it was the backdrop for a very successful season.

We have sooo much to catch up on, you guys. Time for links!

I’m loving this photo of Chef Tom Colicchio holding his Emmy. I bet Padma asked if she could “borrow” it.

-Jill Zarin is at it again. Not only did she probably leak those casting rumors to Gatecrasher, she also had her assistant Darren post photos of her filming what was allegedly season 4 of Real Housewives of New York City. She blew up her own spot when she revealed she was actually filming for It’s Me Or The Dog, an Animal Planet show. Now, the New York Post is reporting the women are in yet another salary battle with Bravo. The women want Snooki salaries. The problem is, they don’t deliver Snooki ratings. Not even close. Better invent another useless product to pimp, ladies.

-In keeping with her “skinnygirl” brand, Bethenny Frankel does not want another baby.

-Famewhore vs Famewhore: Danielle Staub and her ex, Kevin Maher are in some extremely boring legal battle defamation. TMZ keeps emailing me about it, so I guess I should tell you, but I can’t bring myself to care.

-Classy and elegant Alexis Bellino and her husband Jim’s house was almost foreclosed on, but they, like Jeana Keough, were able to get loan modifications. The couple tried to sell the home, even willing to get a trade or “creative financing.” To their credit, the Bellinos’ home is not decorated in the gaudy Olive Garden explosion style of their cast mates.

-Patti Stanger made TMZ this morning! They posted a foul mouthed verbal ass whopping she gave to stylist Lauren Solomon. Who’s gonna do the remix!?

Image: Andy Cohen’s Twitter

Before your memory is erased by tonight’s Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion, let’s talk a bit about last week’s Real Housewives of Washington, D.C. I found myself strangely enjoying it, instead of merely tolerating it, like I do with RHONJ. The reason for that is one Catherine Ommaney.

While I felt bad for Mary when Cat started to bad-mouth her friend’s modern furniture store, watching her and “celebrity colorist” (if by celebrity, you mean he’s done the hair of former Gawker mascot and ultimate fame seeker Julia Allison) Jason Backe dish on the events of the Black Congressional Caucus fiasco was juicy and delicious. What actually happened at that dinner appears to be anybody’s guess.

While talking with Cat, Jason said that the Secret Service escorted the Salahis out, but Jason and Ted were magically able to stay. While in the limo on the way to the Oasis Winery FailFest, Jason said they had to sneak in through the kitchen. It seems like the real answer is both version of events are true. Per this article on FoxNews, sources reported they snuck in through a catering entrance, were caught sitting at someone else’s table, and were escorted out.

Anyway, to the main event: the farce that was the grape stomp. I can’t even begin to explain the epic fight Tareq and his parents have been involved in over the winery, but suffice to say the winery has been closed for some time after Tareq forced it into bankruptcy after he used business funds to do stupid shit like buy an Aston Martin. Tareq met his match when Cat refused to play along, creeped out by the security on the grounds and feeling like she’d been played when she spotted the store bought grapes. We always talk about housewives being two-faced, and for once, Cat didn’t do the nicey to your face but talk shit about you in the limo.

The only point when Cat lost me was when she freaked out when Michaele’s “assistant” called her a bitch. At that point, I refer you to the words of Dina Manzo: “You think I’m a bitch, bring it on!” Cat is a bitch. And we love her for it. After Cat peaced out with Jason (no doubt to do more “celebrity coloring”) the dinner turned into Michaele interrogating Mary over things absent housewife Lynda Erkiletian had said behind her back. Mary’s flat voice, straw like hair and Tareq constantly behind her made for an eery combination. Mary’s Xanax drawl made it even worse.

Cat won the episode when she said what we were all thinking by yelling out “Bollocks!” as she left Oasis. Stacie is in for a rude awakening when she realizes her new fun white friends are not what they seem.

Despite the fact that Top Chef D.C. is still terrible and middling, I’m still beyond thrilled that Top Chef has finally won the Emmy it so richly deserves on tonight’s 62nd Emmy Awards. It finally beat The Amazing Race, which had won for so many consecutive years that the producers were considering withdrawing themselves from consideration.

A few Bravo-lebrities also made the reality show montage including Jill Zarin on the ice rink, Bethenny and LuAnn duking it out and Danielle Staub in her Weavegate talking head. Let’s watch as all their heads promptly explode at the glory from being on a network show!

I’ve been really interested in the pregnancy subplot on this season’s Rachel Zoe Project. It’s clear the show needed something else besides the fashion drama, which is just not something us normal people down here on Planet Earth can understand. But, I’m not so sure I’m buying Rachel’s husband Rodger’s sudden baby fever. It’s also irritating to watch Rodger complain that his wife works so much when he has benefited so much from her newfound fame. You’re the CEO of RACHEL ZOE ENTERPRISES, asshole, not Rodger Berman’s Whiny Face Incorporated. Who’s money is maintaining his Bieber cut and scarf addiction? That’d be the woman you can’t stop complaining about.

Now Rodger wants a baby and it’s pretty clear that Rachel does not want one. Rachel’s baby is her career and her Chanels. Sending her sister to talk her into having a baby was another dick move. What business is it of Rachel’s sister what Rachel and Rodger do in their marriage? Besides Rachel’s devotion to her job, there’s also the skinny elephant in the room: Rachel’s weight. Could she even carry a baby to term? What do you think of this subplot?